| Author |
 Topic  |
|
CapeChick
Contributing Member
Zimbabwe
3595 Posts |
 Posted - 10/05/2006 : 23:55:45
|
Police arrested Malcolm Davidson, a 27 year old white male,
resident of White Plains, NY, in a pumpkin patch at 11:38pm
Friday. Davidson will be charged with lewd and lascivious
behavior, public indecency,and public intoxication at the
County courthouse on Monday. The suspect allegedly stated
that as he was passing a pumpkin patch, he decided to stop.
"You know, a pumpkin is soft and squishy inside, and there
was no one around here for miles. At least I thought there
wasn't" he stated in a phone interview from the County
courthouse jail.
Davidson went on to state that he pulled over to the side of
the road, picked out a pumpkin that he felt was appropriate
to his purposes, cut a hole in it, and proceeded to satisfy
his alleged "need".
"I guess I was just really into it, you know?" he commented
with evident embarrassment.
In the process, Davidson apparently failed to notice the
White Plains police car approaching and was unaware of his
audience until officer Brenda Taylor approached him. "It was
an unusual situation, that's for sure" said officer Taylor.
"I walked up to (Davidson) and he's...just working away at
this pumpkin."
Taylor went on to describe what happened when she approached
Davidson. "I just went up and said, 'Excuse me sir, but do
you realize that you are screwing a pumpkin?' He got real
surprised, as you'd expect, and then looked me straight in
the face and said, 'A pumpkin!? Damn...is it midnight
already?
|
|
|
CapeChick
Contributing Member
Zimbabwe
3595 Posts |
Posted - 10/05/2006 : 23:58:35
|
You Might be a Redneck if:
The Halloween pumpkin on your front porch has more teeth
than your spouse.
You let your twelve-year-old daughter smoke at the dinner
table in front of her kids.
Last year you hid Easter eggs under cow pies.
You've been married three times and still have the same
in-laws.
You think a woman who is "out of your league" bowls on a
different night.
Jack Daniels makes your list of "Most Admired People."
You think Genitalia is an Italian airline.
You wonder how service stations keep their restrooms so
clean.
Anyone in your family ever died right after saying, "Hey,
y'all watch this!"
You've got more than one brother named 'Darryl.'
You think that Dom Perignon is a Mafia leader.
Your wife's hairdo was once ruined by a ceiling fan.
You go to your family reunion looking for a date.
Your Junior/Senior Prom had a Daycare.
You think the last words to The Star Spangled Banner are,
"Gentlemen, start your engines."
You lit a match in the bathroom and your house exploded
right off its wheels.
You take a six-pack cooler to church.
You had to remove a toothpick for your wedding pictures.
The bluebook value of your truck goes up and down, depending
on how much gas it has in it.
You have to go outside to get something out of the 'fridge.
One of your kids was born on a pool table.
Your dad walks you to school because you are both in the
same grade.
You need one more hole punched in your card to get a freebie
at the House of Tattoos.
You have flowers planted in a bathroom fixture in your front
yard.
Ya can't get married to yer sweetheart 'cause there's a law
against it.
You dated one of your parents' current spouses in high
school.
You think loading the dishwasher means getting your wife
drunk.
Your school fight song is "Dueling Banjos."
Your toilet paper has page numbers on it.
|
 |
|
|
Askabutcher
Contributing Member
2506 Posts |
|
|
CapeChick
Contributing Member
Zimbabwe
3595 Posts |
Posted - 10/07/2006 : 00:17:14
|
| Me too! |
|
|
|
Orange Blossom
Contributing Member
USA
3815 Posts |
Posted - 10/10/2006 : 07:00:42
|
Why Engineers Don't Write Recipe Books
Chocolate Chip Cookies:
Ingredients:
1. 532.35 cm3 gluten
2. 4.9 cm3 NaHCO3
3. 4.9 cm3 refined halite
4. 236.6 cm3 partially hydrogenated tallow triglyceride
5. 177.45 cm3 crystalline C12H22O11
6. 177.45 cm3 unrefined C12H22O11
7. 4.9 cm3 methyl ether of protocatechuic aldehyde
8. Two calcium carbonate-encapsulated avian albumen-coated protein
9. 473.2 cm3 theobroma cacao
10. 236.6 cm3 de-encapsulated legume meats (sieve size #10)
To a 2-L jacketed round reactor vessel (reactor #1) with an overall heat transfer coefficient of about
100 Btu/F-ft2-hr, add ingredients one, two and three with constant agitation. In a second 2-L reactor
vessel with a radial flow impeller operating at 100 rpm, add ingredients four, five, six, and seven until
the mixture is homogenous. To reactor #2, add ingredient eight, followed by three equal volumes of
the homogenous mixture in reactor #1. Additionally, add ingredient nine and ten slowly, with constant
agitation. Care must be taken at this point in the reaction to control any temperature
rise that may be the result of an exothermic reaction.
Using a screw extrude attached to a #4 nodulizer, place the mixture piece-meal on a 316SS sheet
(300 x 600 mm). Heat in a 460K oven for a period of time that is in agreement with Frank & Johnston's first
order rate expression (see JACOS, 21, 55), or until golden brown. Once the reaction is complete, place the sheet on a
25C heat-transfer table, allowing the product to come to equilibrium.
++++++++++++++++++++
It's Not What You Say...It's What You Do
Laurence Haughton |
|
|
|
Askabutcher
Contributing Member
2506 Posts |
Posted - 10/10/2006 : 07:44:41
|
The latest telephone poll taken by the Governor of California yielded results on whether or not people who live in California think illegal immigration is a serious problem:
a) 41% of the respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."
b) 59% of the respondents answered: "No es un problema serio"
_______________
My daily rants & musings ;)
http://askabutcher.proboards42.com/index.cgi?board=blog |
|
|
|
CapeChick
Contributing Member
Zimbabwe
3595 Posts |
Posted - 10/10/2006 : 15:23:58
|
quote:
Originally posted by Askabutcher
The latest telephone poll taken by the Governor of California yielded results on whether or not people who live in California think illegal immigration is a serious problem:
a) 41% of the respondents answered: "Yes, it is a serious problem."
b) 59% of the respondents answered: "No es un problema serio"
_______________
My daily rants & musings ;)
http://askabutcher.proboards42.com/index.cgi?board=blog
 |
|
|
|
Orange Blossom
Contributing Member
USA
3815 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2006 : 10:38:54
|
Okay let me see if I can remember this right...my dad told me this on Sunday..
A woman on her 60th birthday was standing in her birthday suit, looking at her self from all angles in her mirror. Her husband enters the room and she said, "Look at me, my breasts are drooping to my waist, I have cellulite all over legs, my skin that was once supple and soft is now riddled with wrinkles, my rump now is the size of Manhatten, and my teeth are yellowed and stained from years of coffee drinking! Can you please help me find one thing that is good about my body?!" she said in exasperation. Her husband, the thoughtful man that he is replied, "Well darling your eye sight is 20/20!"
He never heard the gun shot.
++++++++++++++++++++
It's Not What You Say...It's What You Do
Laurence Haughton |
|
|
|
dragonslayer212
Contributing Member
Djibouti
2580 Posts |
Posted - 10/11/2006 : 11:21:55
|
A friend who had recently visited Spain over the summer told a story about his dining experience there. One evening after attending the bullfights the young man decided to eat supper at a resturant adjacent to the arena. While wating for his order to be taken he noticed another patrons supper being served. He didn't recognized the dish, as it appeared to be two fist sized chunks of meat but the aroma was overwhelmingly delicious and prompted the man to inquire about the dish. When asked the waiter explained very discreetly that the entree was the bulls testicles and had been taken from 1 of the bulls killed earlier that day. Being the adventurous type the young man attempted to order the bulls testicles. The waiter kindly informed the gentleman that the dinner had to be reserved in advance due to a supply issue from day to day. Another selection for that nights supper was made along with a reservation for the following evening for the bull testicle dinner. The following evening the tourist arrived at the resturant and was seated and served promptly. There was something very different in his meal and the one he had seen the night before. When the waiter was questioned why his meal only included two walnut sized testicles, the waiter replied, "Senor, sometimes the bull doesn't lose."
____________________________ “That’s all the bullets we had, or we would have shot him more,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd |
|
|
|
Askabutcher
Contributing Member
2506 Posts |
Posted - 10/13/2006 : 07:10:06
|
At New York's Kennedy airport today, an individual, later discovered to be a public school teacher, was arrested trying to board a flight while in possession of a ruler, a protractor, a set square, a slide rule, and a calculator.
At a morning press conference, Attorney General John Ashcroft said he believes the man is a member of the notorious "Al-gebra" movement. He is being charged by the FBI with carrying weapons of math instruction.
"Al-gebra is a fearsome cult," Ashcroft said. "They desire average solutions by means and extremes, and sometimes go off on tangents in a search of absolute value. They use secret code names like 'x' and 'y' and refer to themselves as 'unknowns,' but we have determined they belong to a common denominator of the axis of medieval with coordinates in every country. As the Greek philanderer Isosceles used to say, "There are 3 sides to every triangle."
When asked to comment on the arrest, President Bush said, "If God had wanted us to have better weapons of math instruction, He would have given us more fingers and toes."
This email was cleaned by emailStripper, available for free from http://www.papercut.biz/emailStripper.htm
_______________
My daily rants & musings ;)
http://askabutcher.proboards42.com/index.cgi?board=blog |
|
|
|
CapeChick
Contributing Member
Zimbabwe
3595 Posts |
Posted - 10/13/2006 : 21:55:04
|
The President of Chase Manhattan Bank decides he should take a vacation/business trip. Since the president has heard how much fun Taipei is, he decides to visit the offices there. He books two tickets, one for him and one for his secretary.
After his arrival in Taipei, the president receives an urgent message from headquarters that the richest man in Taiwan wants to put all his money into a Chase Manhattan account. Since the account would be quite substantial, the president decides to meet personally with the man.
The next day, the president and his secretary go to meet the Taiwanese at an exclusive restaurant. Throughout the dinner, the president tries to bring up the subject of opening the new account but the prospective client only seems interested in the president's secretary.
After dinner, the businessman asks the secretary to spend the rest of the evening seeing the sights in Taipei with him. Not wishing to offend the prospective client, the president orders his secretary to go ahead but tells her that she must be diplomatic and under no circumstances is she to insult the man by rejecting him outright.
After going to a dance club for a few hours, the businessman takes the secretary aside. As he holds her hand and looks her straight into her eyes, he tells her that he loves her. Then, he gets on his knees and asks her to marry him.
Naturally, the secretary is quite taken aback. However, she remembers what her boss told her: Don't reject the guy outright. So, she tries to think of a way to dissuade the businessman from wanting to marry her.
After a few minutes, the woman says, "I will only marry you under three conditions. First, I want my engagement ring to be a seventy-five carat diamond ring, with a matching two hundred carat diamond tiara."
The Taiwanese man pauses for awhile then, with a nod of his head, answers, "No problem! I buy. I buy."
Realizing that her first condition was too easy, the woman says, "My second condition is a one hundred-room mansion in New York. As a vacation home, I want a chateau built in the middle of the Gironde in France."
The man pauses for awhile. He whips out his cellular phone, calls some brokers in New York, then he calls some real estate agents in France. He looks at the woman, nods his head and says, "Okay, okay. I build, I build."
Realizing that she has one last condition, the secretary knows that she'd better make this a good one. She takes her time to think and finally, she gets an idea. A sure-to-work condition. She squints her eyes, looks at the man and says, rather coldly, "Since I like to have sex, I want the man I marry to have a twelve-inch penis."
The man seems a bit disturbed. He cups his face in his hands and rests his elbows on the table. All the while, he's muttering something in Chinese.
Finally, after what seemed like forever, the man shakes his head, looking real sad, says to the woman,
"OK. I cut. I cut."
________________________
"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." Mahatma Gandhi |
|
|
|
CapeChick
Contributing Member
Zimbabwe
3595 Posts |
Posted - 10/13/2006 : 22:03:43
|
A young man goes into a drug store to buy condoms.
The pharmacist says the condoms come in packs of 3, 9 or 12 and asks which the young man wants.
"Well," he said, "I've been seeing this girl for a while and she's really hot. I want the condoms because I think tonight's the night. We're having dinner with her parents, and then we're going out. And I've got a feeling I'm gonna get lucky after that. Once she's had me, she'll want me all the time, so you'd better give me the 12 pack."
The young man makes his purchase and leaves.
Later that evening, he sits down to dinner with his girlfriend and her parents.
He asks if he might give the blessing, and they agree. He begins the prayer, but continues praying for several minutes.
The girl leans over and says, "You never told me that you were such a religious person."
He leans over to her and says, "You never told me that your father is a pharmacist."
________________________
"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." Mahatma Gandhi |
|
|
|
CapeChick
Contributing Member
Zimbabwe
3595 Posts |
Posted - 10/13/2006 : 22:14:05
|
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Just put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs ten dollars."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was
printed:
You have tennis elbow.
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy lifting.
It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be fooled. He decided to give it a try. He mixed together some tap water, a stool sample from his dog, and urine samples from his wife and daughter. To top it off, he masturbated into the concoction. He went back to the drug store, located the machine, poured in the sample, and deposited the $10. The computer made the usual noise and printed out the following message:
Your tap water is too hard.
Get a water softener.
Your dog has worms.
Get him vitamins.
Your daughter is using cocaine.
Put her in a rehabilitation clinic.
Your wife is pregnant with twin girls.
They aren't yours.
Get a lawyer.
And if you don't stop jerking off, your
tennis elbow will never get better.
________________________
"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." Mahatma Gandhi |
|
|
|
MOTV8D
Contributing Member
USA
3946 Posts |
Posted - 10/14/2006 : 07:00:48
|
In a recent news broadcast, it was announced that Lorena Bobbitt's sister Louella was arrested for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena.
She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition, and Louella has been charged with .....
?
?
?
?
A Misdewiener!
_________________________________________________________________________________________
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
dragonslayer212
Contributing Member
Djibouti
2580 Posts |
Posted - 10/14/2006 : 09:03:51
|
A man went into a bar in a high rise. He saw another man take a pill, take a drink, walk to the window and jump out. He flew around for a minute and zipped back into the bar.
As the amazed newcomer watched, the man repeated this twice more. Finally the man asked if he could have a pill. The flier said it was his last one. The man offered five hundred dollars to no avail, so he made a final offer of a thousand dollars. The man said that it was all he had on him.
The flier reluctantly gave in, took the cash, surrendered the pill, and turned back to the bar. The man took the pill, took a drink, went to the window, and jumped out only to fall to his death. The bartender walked over to the flier at the bar and, wiping a glass, said, "You sure are an azzhole when you're drunk, Superman."
____________________________ “That’s all the bullets we had, or we would have shot him more,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd |
|
|
|
CapeChick
Contributing Member
Zimbabwe
3595 Posts |
Posted - 10/14/2006 : 13:13:47
|
That was hilarious!
________________________
"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." Mahatma Gandhi |
|
|
|
dragonslayer212
Contributing Member
Djibouti
2580 Posts |
Posted - 10/14/2006 : 17:58:40
|
A man dies and goes to Heaven. He gets to meet GOD and asks GOD if he can ask him a few questions.
"Sure," GOD says, "Go right ahead".
"OK," the man says. "Why did you make women so pretty?"
GOD says, "So you would like them."
"OK," the guy says. "But how come you made them so beautiful?"
"So you would LOVE them", GOD replies.
The man ponders a moment and then asks, "But why did you make them such airheads?"
GOD says, "So they would love you!"
____________________________ “That’s all the bullets we had, or we would have shot him more,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd |
|
|
|
dragonslayer212
Contributing Member
Djibouti
2580 Posts |
Posted - 10/14/2006 : 18:04:44
|
Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"
So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell -- but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. But all the stress and anger got to me, and I had a heart attack and died there on the balcony."
"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in.
The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story.
"It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."
Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death.
The third man came to the front of the line, and again Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.
"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding inside a refrigerator..."
____________________________ “That’s all the bullets we had, or we would have shot him more,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd |
|
|
|
CapeChick
Contributing Member
Zimbabwe
3595 Posts |
Posted - 10/14/2006 : 21:52:17
|
That's a good one!
________________________
"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." Mahatma Gandhi |
|
|
|
CapeChick
Contributing Member
Zimbabwe
3595 Posts |
Posted - 10/14/2006 : 22:13:54
|
BUMPER STICKERS
I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.
Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.
Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
________________________
"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." Mahatma Gandhi |
|
|
|
CapeChick
Contributing Member
Zimbabwe
3595 Posts |
Posted - 10/14/2006 : 22:24:48
|
Once upon a time, a perfect man and a perfect woman met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas Eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car (a Grand Caravan) along a winding road, when they noticed someone at the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a huge bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint any children on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering toys. Unfortunately, the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident. The mind numbing question is: Who was the survivor?
Scroll down for the answer...
The perfect woman survived. She's the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man. Women stop reading here. That is the end of the joke.
Men keep'a scrollin'...
So, if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the perfect woman must have been driving. And that explains why there was a car accident. By the way, if you're a woman and you're reading this, this illustrates another point: Women never listen, either.
________________________
"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." Mahatma Gandhi |
|
|
|
FortMyersMike
Senior Member
710 Posts |
Posted - 10/14/2006 : 22:27:42
|
there are some incredible joke bumper stickers on ebay. They're magnetic. The concept is that you put it on your buddies car and get him in trouble. Things like "&*#$ YOU COP" and "I SMOKE WEED" and things like that. ....I'll see if I can find a link. Very funny. ...here's one but it's not ebay...just as well. http://www.cafepress.com/revengestickers
-------------------------
If you want to feel better, do something nice for someone and expect nothing in return. (me)
Make your community better because you are a part of it. (me too) |
|
|
|
CapeChick
Contributing Member
Zimbabwe
3595 Posts |
Posted - 10/14/2006 : 22:57:46
|
I've heard about them. My son wanted to put one on his friends car that said "I support the Rainbow Coalition".
________________________
"The greatness of a nation and its moral progress can be judged by the way its animals are treated." Mahatma Gandhi |
|
|
|
Askabutcher
Contributing Member
2506 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2006 : 07:52:20
|
From a show on Canadian TV there was a black comedian who said he misses Bill Clinton.
Yep, that's right - I miss Bill Clinton! He was the closest thing we Ever got to having a black man as President.
Number 1 - He played the sax.
Number 2 - He smoked weed!!!!!!!
Number 3 - He had his way with ugly white women.
Even now? Look at him ... His wife works, and he don't! And, he gets a Check from the government every month.
Manufacturers announced today that they will be stocking America's shelves This week with "Clinton Soup," in honor of one of the nations' most Distinguished men. It consists primarily of a weenie in hot water.
Chrysler Corporation is adding a new car to its line to honor Bill Clinton. The Dodge Drafter will be built in Canada.
When asked what he thought about foreign affairs, Clinton replied, "I Don't know, I never had one."
The Clinton revised judicial oath: "I solemnly swear to tell the truth as I know it, the whole truth as I believe it to be, and nothing but what I think you need to know."
Clinton will be recorded in history as the only President to do Hanky Panky between Bushes.
_______________
My daily rants & musings ;)
http://askabutcher.proboards42.com/index.cgi?board=blog |
|
|
|
dragonslayer212
Contributing Member
Djibouti
2580 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2006 : 17:39:18
|
Three men standing in front of God
God: Men, what car you get in Heaven will depend on how faithful you were to your wives on Earth.
Man 1: Please God, I can't count how many times I cheated on my wife. There were just too many beautiful women on Earth, and I had to have them all.
God: I am ashamed of you, my man, For that, I give you a run-down truck that barely moves.
Man 2: Dear God, please forgive me! I cheated on my wife once, just once! We were going through problems and I took the wrong turn. Please forgive me!
God: My man, I am ashamed of you too. But I will be kinder to you. For that, I give you a convertible BMW.
Man 3: Dear God, you will be so proud of me. I loved and worshipped my wife. I brought her roses everyday after work, I brought her gifts every aniversary, and we went travelling, and had dinner out three times a week, and...
God: Okay, my man, enough! I get the point. I am very proud of you! For that, I give you any car you desire!
Two weeks later Man 1 and 2 are driving on the freeway when they see Man 3 ahead of them, stopped in the middle of the road in his Black Jaguar. Man 1 and 2: Hey Man! Why are you sitting in your car and crying your eyes out? You're acting like some ungrateful bugger! Look at your car, man! What is your problem?!
Man 3: "I just saw my wife on rollerskates!"
____________________________ “That’s all the bullets we had, or we would have shot him more,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd |
|
|
|
dragonslayer212
Contributing Member
Djibouti
2580 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2006 : 18:07:55
|
Two statues stood in a city park: one female and the other male. These statues faced each other for many years.
Early one morning, an angel appeared before the statues and said, "Since the two of you have been exemplary statues and have brought enjoyment to many people, I am giving you your greatest wish. I hereby give you the gift of life. You have 30 minutes to do whatever you desire."
And with that command, the statues came to life. The two statues smiled at each other, ran toward some nearby woods and dove behind a couple of bushes. The angel smiled to himself as he listened to the two statues giggling, bushes rustling, and twigs snapping.
After fifteen minutes, the two statues emerged from the bushes, satisfied and smiling.
Puzzled, the angel looked at his watch and asked the statues, "You still have fifteen minutes. Would you like to continue?"
The male statue looked at the female and asked, "Do you want to do it again?"
Smiling, the female statue said, "Sure. But this time YOU hold the pigeon down and I'll crap on its head!"
____________________________ “That’s all the bullets we had, or we would have shot him more,” Polk County Sheriff Grady Judd |
|
|
|
MOTV8D
Contributing Member
USA
3946 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2006 : 21:20:57
|
For Hooters fans only:
http://www.123mycodes.com/myspaceprank/boobflash.swf
_________________________________________________________________________________________
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain
|
|
|
|
FortMyersMike
Senior Member
710 Posts |
Posted - 10/16/2006 : 22:20:36
|
quote:
Originally posted by MOTV8D
For Hooters fans only:
http://www.123mycodes.com/myspaceprank/boobflash.swf
_________________________________________________________________________________________
If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you; that is the principal difference between a dog and a man.
-Mark Twain
link does not work mot.
-------------------------
If you want to feel better, do something nice for someone and expect nothing in return. (me)
Make your community better because you are a part of it. (me too) |
| | |
JOKES
Forum Locked
